Thursday, March 12, 2009


My kids stink.

And no, not in that sweet, endearing way that kids stink. No milk breath, no baby musk, no sweet scent drifting off the top of their heads- just full-out truck driver stench. It's shocking that their pleasant baby essence wore off so fast, and even more surprising that it happened so much faster for Chloe, but it has definitely happened.

This weekend at Target, Chip picked up some kid's toothpaste that contained mouthwash. "We have to get this for our kids' funky breath." I'm not even sure the kids formula will be strong enough. This morning, while helping Chloe get up and going, I had the misfortune of being face to face with her. "Do you need to poop?" I asked. She looked at me like I was crazy and breathed a toxic "No" in my direction. Oh sweet lord! That wasn't a fart- it was her breath. I literally gagged and handed her off to Chip with the directive that he brush her teeth for at least ten minutes with the new mouthwash toothpaste.

The other serious problem area is the feet. Chip insists they get this from me, and he's probably right, but really my feet only stink if I wear shoes with no socks all day. And at least I have the good sense to leave my shoes on when there's any question about their pleasantness. Not my children. The first question they ask when we enter anyone's home, be it ours or yours, is, "Can I take off my shoes?" Well, Connor asks- Chloe just sheds her shoes and socks and goes running through your home, spreading little footprints of stink all over your hardwood. I don't know why they think those things need to be aired out in public, but that's just how they do. So now you know why your house smells like a locker room whenever we come to visit.

Another game Chloe plays is to strip off her socks and say, "Smell my feet!" then wait for you to comment on their sweetness. "Mmm, sweet feet!" I usually choke out while holding my breath. Finally, one day recently, she said, "They're not sweet! They're stinky feet!" That goodness that game is over. I guess Chloe's smarter than I thought. I'm glad she's at least got that going for her.


cjaxon said...

Katie knows her feet stink and she STILL makes us smell them. She thinks it is HILARIOUS when we wrinkle our nose at their fetid aroma.
We sure didn't know what we started when we would take her sweet baby feet in both hands and INHALE! Six and a half years later I am seeing the light :)

Stacey Greenberg said...

at breakfast this morning jiro asked, "did you make hard boiled eggs?" i looked around and then asked satchel if he farted. (he did.) later during breakfast jiro started holding his nose and i asked if satchel farted again and he said, "no it's his breath!"

Stacey Greenberg said...

we've also instituted the "mercy flush" rule with satchel.

Sassy Molassy said...

Ack! Ack! For some reason, my kids are surprisingly un-stinky. I keep expecting the pre-adoloescent boy to develop BO, but he hasn't!

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh until I cried!