Just Enough of a Break

One of the best things about Spring Break was not having to walk Connor over to his school in the mornings. Isn't that a silly thing to focus on? Each day, I park my car in the back lot of Evergreen Presbyterian and walk with Connor just a short stretch to the door of the Snowden kindergarten hall. I've done this in rain, snow, sleet, 11-degree weather, 100-degree weather, you name it. I'm like a postal employee delivering him to his teacher five days a week. But for some reason, just in the past couple of weeks, I've come to really dread it.

Of course there have been days, here and there, where I wished I didn't have to do it. But for the most part, I enjoy that time with Connor. Even if we fuss at each other in the hurry to get out the door in the mornings, we always have a pleasant few minutes together before parting for the day. It means a lot to Connor to have me with him- the couple of times I've only walked him halfway, he was very upset about it. And I know I have to enjoy this while I can.

But at the same time, Connor is my baby! He never wants to be away from me, he never has in all his 5.75 years. Chip and I have predicted that he will go to Rhodes for college, live at home with us and ride in with me in the mornings, hanging around in my office while waiting for class to start. So while I can appreciate in theory that there may come a day that he doesn't want me holding his hand on the way to school, I can't yet imagine it. And sometimes, just sometimes, I need a little break from the constant attention. First thing in the morning, when I'm cranky and tired and it's raining/hot/cold/windy, might be a good time for a little independence.

So last Thursday and Friday I came to work, still at 7:30, but without the 10-minute distraction of walking over to Snowden. My hair didn't get frizzy, I was on time, and I got a minute to myself. And maybe that was enough. This morning I was glad to walk Connor in, to have a minute to hug and kiss him good-bye before he started back to the grind. Maybe Spring Break was perfectly timed to refresh me, too, so that I could continue the morning routine just a few more months without breaking. Despite my grumbling for the past few weeks, today I found that I just wasn't ready to watch Connor walk away on his own in the mornings. Not yet.