Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Dear Chloe,

Today you turned one. Part of me can't believe that a whole year has passed since the day we first met. The other part of me looks into your eyes and feels like I've known you my whole life.

Before you came along, I had a feeling I might only raise boys. And I was fine with that- I had heard boys were easier, I knew I would relate to them pretty well, and I was enjoying Connor. As long as my second baby was healthy, I didn't care what you were. But then they told me you were a girl. I asked the lady again and again if she was sure. She thought I kept asking her to double-check because I was disappointed. On the contrary- I just want to be certain before I gave myself over the excitement of having a girl. And I was truly excited. I never knew how much I wanted you until that day. Or maybe I did, and I was scared to admit it in case it didn't happen. (After all, as soon as I knew I was pregnant I told your dad that I wanted to name you Chloe.)

Then you came into the world, and I was able to fall in love with you, not just the idea of you. I love how you have curly hair like me, and blue eyes like your dad. I love how excited you are when you eat. I love the way no one makes you laugh as hard as your big brother. I love watching you figure things out, like how to get a spoonful of food into your mouth. I love how you put your socks against your feet and look at me expectantly, waiting to be praised for remembering where they go. I love when you sing in your soft little voice. And I love how your hand feels when you reach out and touch me.

I also cherish every minute that you love me most, because one day you'll be a teenager and you won't. But I'll remind you that you used to look longingly at me when I left you at daycare, that you used to rely on me above all others to meet your needs, that you used to reach for me when anyone else held you. And I'll patiently wait on you to grow up a little and realize that you still rely on me, that I still live to meet your needs. You're my little girl, and I love you. And I always will.

Love,
Mommy