L'orange

Way back in the days when Billy Bob and Angelina were a couple (way to trade up, Angie!), rumors swirled that his newly gaunt physique was a result of an eating disorder combined with general weirdness. Apparently, he only ate orange foods. At the time, my childless self could not imagine such a diet. What's orange besides oranges and carrots? (Then I thought, Seriously, what else? This diet seems to be working!) I remember bringing this up with various people, questioning how a person could live off of only orange foods, then nodding my head knowingly when he ended up in the hospital.


Then I had Connor. And everything he eats is orange. I fix him a plate filled with some combination of chicken nuggets, oranges, peaches, cheddar cheese, macaroni and cheese, cheese puffs, Cheez-its, fish sticks, or the occasional carrot, and I mourn the lack of color. Sometimes I sneak in a non-orange food for variety, but the bland beige of apples, french fries or pineapples just blends in and reflects the orangeness surrounding it. Occasionally I've garnished the plate with a sprig of something from the herb garden (a reflection of my days in the restaurant biz) but that has been met with everything from derision to hysteria. So I continue to serve him orange foods, in the hopes that some food is better than none. Worst case scenario? He ends up in the hospital. Best case? He ends up married to Angelina Jolie. Keep your fingers crossed.