Mama

The thing about becoming a mother is that you suddenly understand what "love" really means. I mean yes, I loved my husband and my family and friends before I had kids, but once Connor showed up it all changed. I now loved at this deep level that I hadn't even known existed. Not just Connor, either- everyone.

It was Connor's presence that suddenly made me cry every time I hear Beyonce's "Crazy In Love." (Totally not weird that that's our song, right?) It was Connor's presence that reminded me that I couldn't live without Chip. And most surprisingly, it was Connor's presence that made me fall in love with my own mother all over again.

Because, holy shit y'all, the way I love this baby right here? My mom loves ME that much! ME! That realization floored me. I knew that she loved me, of course, but as I've stated above, I didn't actually know what love meant. And now that I did, I was amazed. I'd call her up and say, "How did you ever let me ride my bike around the block? Didn't you die a small death when I went out of your sight?" and she'd assure me that by the time we get there, it will be difficult, but manageable. I'd call another day, in tears, demanding to know how she ever let me move out of the house and go to college. Because I never ever wanted Connor to do that. I wanted him to live with me until I got old and died! And Mom would assure me that, by the time he's 18, I'll be begging him to go to college in a different city.

She was right, of course. It does get easier to be away from your children as they get older and don't need quite as much protecting. But I still hope that when my babies grow up, they move into a house a mile away from mine and call me on the phone every day and remember, always, how much I love them. Just like I did when I grew up.