The Complicated Truth About Connor

Recently a family member said something along the lines of "The stories you tell on your blog are almost as clever as you think they are, but really- most of the time we just want to know how the kids are doing. That post about Chloe was great!" Here's the thing: the reason I tell clever little stories about Connor, rather than directly telling you what he's up to, is mainly because he is incredibly difficult and I don't want this blog to become too depressing. When I find myself frustrated by him, I write it down in a funny little tale in order to diffuse my anger or to force myself to see why I need to be more patient. But since you asked, here's a little unedited information about my first born.

When I write about how Connor doesn't really understand what movies are about, it's the nice way of saying that he doesn't pick up on subtlety, that he's never displayed an ounce of empathy, and that he's basically a tactless bulldozer. I understand that 5-year-olds are often very self-centered, but sometimes it just gets old. I can only say, "How do you think s/he feels when you do/say that?" so many times before the migraine sets in, you know?

I don't think he's mean-spirited, but his intentions don't really matter when he's insulting a friend's shoes by saying they look "old" or when he's breaking his sister's heart by ignoring her when she begs for a good night kiss. He just thinks he's being honest when he tells Chloe that her coloring is horrible- although I've repeatedly told him that scribbling is fine for a two-year-old, and that it is rude and hurtful for him to say otherwise. He simply can't help himself and has to tell me that I'm wrong, that her drawing is awful.

And that's our other main problem these days- he doesn't think anyone besides Connor knows anything at all. I write a story about how he's a fact-checker because it's easier for you to read than a story about how he's a disrespectful little brat. And he is- he argues and backtalks and contradicts everything that anyone says. Constantly. He has no respect for me, or for Chip, or for anyone else from what I've seen. When he gets in trouble for disobeying a parent, he never understands his part in it- it's just that we are mean. He doesn't ever think there is anything that he did that contributed to the situation. Nothing infuriates me more than being shown that level of disrespect. He simply refuses to listen to anything we tell him, even if it is a logical set of actions that he can take to avoid getting in trouble in the future.


I'm not putting this out there to solicit advice or make the grandparents worry. I've heard every different opinion on how to handle this, and I realize that it is just a part of growing up. I know that one day Connor will mature enough to understand other people's feelings, and to figure out how to stay out of trouble. But to answer the question, "How is Connor doing?" I can only be honest if I include those two main problems. They touch our lives every day, sometimes ruining hours at a time and sometimes just resulting in a stern "Connor, kiss your sister!" Fortunately, although they give context for the big picture, they certainly don't tell the whole story.


Connor seems to be really liking kindergarten. He is doing some reading, and is much more patient with the process of learning words now that he's doing it in a classroom setting. His after school care teacher pulled me aside recently to tell me that he's the smartest kid they have there. (I believe that if Miss M went there full-time, they'd realize he's only in the top two. But still, he's pretty smart. :)) He still loves to draw, and uses a lot of free time at school on that hobby. He does not really like to write, either letters or numbers. I think it's because he's a perfectionist, and he ends up erasing and rewriting until there is a hole in the paper while trying to get it "just so." It is really fun to see how much progress he's made in just a month of school. After the first year or so of life, the changes in our kids come so gradually- it's fun to see him progressing by leaps and bounds again. Today he is on his first ever field trip to the fair, with Chip as a chaperone. Much like everything else relating to kindergarten, it all seems terribly grown up.

Everything he likes is his "favorite," which seems about right. He loves to play video games, especially Marvel Ultimate Alliance which he plays with his dad. Somehow he is content to only play video games during Chloe's nap time, which actually works out really well. He's already making a long wishlist of superhero and Transformer toys to mail off to Santa, and he is patiently saving his nickels to buy another miniature Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. He likes to keep his room clean, although he doesn't like the process of cleaning it up. He's gorgeous and articulate and cuddly and even when he is being a tactless, disrespectful turd, I still love him more than life itself.